Oh, why hello there again.

I never was a girl that was into horses. When I was a child, I equated them with things like make-up and liking the color purple. Horses were something that those girls liked, and I was not a girly girl. But now I am going to use that tired saying of "getting back on that proverbial horse". So, I am going to shop my writing around and try to get some legit publishing work. I needed to get over a couple of things. Money being one of the primary reasons. I have had to maintain full time employment in a field I love, food, but is also very tiring. While I have always maintained a writing life, I have not had the energy to really invest in editing quality pieces. This leads into the main hurdle, my confidence. I have had struggles with my confidence. I just do not think I am good enough, and when I briefly do I start feeling like an egotist. But I am getting better. First step was turning 30. Yes, it is magical, and I have found myself doing things like saying, "No." and sticking up for myself...even to myself. I have also tried doing more workshops. I do not know why we value strangers' opinions more than those close to us, but we do. And while I have had positive feedback in the past, having strangers tell me the same just left me realizing that I could not figure out any other motives than they really enjoyed my writing. So, here it goes, and yippee ki-yay Mister Falcon.

I suppose it is summer break after all...

It is summer and I am at my favorite hang out place, Wegman's (for those who know yes I am that lame, for those who don't it is an awesome fun place were all the cool kids hang out...) But anyway I have my netbook and I suppose I should do a bit of free writing.

Erm now I just need a starting topic or line....

And me and you
and you and me
It could be like that song
if we don't mistake the street lamps
for the moon and get caught
flying in circles.

Eh it's a start.

I guess he was right...

I am not really into April, but to be fair I am not really into this year. I feel meh and very uninspired. I really have no motivation. I thought about doing some prompts but I feel like I can't even bother with that. Heck I am not really feeling this blog post.

Sigh maybe I should make plans to study or clean. That seems to trigger some great burst of procrastination inspiration. I just feel bad because it's National Poetry month, I should you know write poetry since that is what I supposedly do.

Roses are red
violets are blue
I can't be bothered
so yeah.

April is...

indeed the cruelest month, but it is also national poetry month. I believe it is also a month for a few other causes, like autism and animal cruelty. It is a very bleak day today. It doesn't help that yesterday was sunny and in the upper 70's, so today grey and 50's seems even more blah. I should be studying probability and statistics and going over the power point slides for criminology, but yes I am blogging. It is a day that I kinda just want to sit here listening to my Pandora station (Cake is the jumping off point and I highly recommended it). But I think I may read a bit of poetry, I feel like I need it. I'm not sure who I want to read though. Maybe some Charles Bukowski?

I also just found NaPoWriMo, a challenge where you write a poem a day. I have a few days to make up, and will try to post something later today.

procrastination again...

I should be making flash cards for my Intro to Law midterm...but I wrote a poem instead. It is about half an hour old, so it hasn't been edited and prettied up. Honestly, I needed the poetry. We had an activity in class that required standing in front of the class, speaking and answering questions. My anxiety levels were very high maybe a 6-7. I read a bit of Bukowski to calm down as he is what I had on hand, and he is well good.

I really should make those flash cards, so I think the next few hours will be dedicated to writing or reading poems...

new poem (nice title huh)

I am a woman so I should
write about my uterus
or my vagina
or my vulva if you want to be correct
some body part that isn’t a man’s
because that is my unique world view.

I could write about birthing children
or things my children do
or don’t do
because they came out of my uterus, cervix, and vagina
or vulva if you want to hyper correct.

I could write about love and men,
or women
but only if there are romantic and sexual tones,
(think of your uterus and vagina,
not vulva, it isn’t a sexy word)
because editors and publishers
don’t want to read about sisterhood
it isn’t the 1970’s you know.
And I am not black
so “sista” hood
isn’t in my world view

(I am brown
and that open a few
more possibilities)

And even if you manage to write like a poem like a man
your vagina, no vulva, it’s academia
will find its way into the poem .
When a professor points to your name and sex
“How does her world view as a woman shape the themes of this poem?”

Because of my inability to focus on one thing....

I decided to blog again. I have found the surefire cure of my writer's block, take up a non-writing project. As a general rule I can never be completely happy with my current state. I haven't decided if it is due to my decisive wandering mind or the need to have some sort of equilibrium, like taking math and science courses while perusing a writing degree. Currently I am getting a paralegal degree, as an average salary of 30,000-40,000 a year v. a few subscriptions or issue of literary magazines sounds nice, yes I am a sell out, sort of. I do plan on Wallace Stevens-ing it (name drop!) and writing poems during the glamorous law career. So besides food and shelter I like to think a good chunk of my future paralegal pay will go to contest/reading fees, conferences, and work-shops.**justification end**

However, while my entire focus should be on the mighty law, I find myself daydreaming about Nano, short stories and poetry. So much that instead of working on my case brief on Rowe v. Maryland (a nice giggle the court references a prior case Crooks v. State) I am blogging about creative writing.

Here is the start of a new poem or poems, as it is very much in the air if there are two separate poems (okay that took a crazy amount of time to type up due to typos since I have Brandy you're a fine girl stuck in my head...holy stream of consciousness writing Batman...told you I had trouble focusing...)


My mother never left the homeland
new Filipino islands formed
wherever her tiny, but not delicate, feet landed
in the soft American soil.
We shaped this American west
with our bent backs
and built the manifest destiny.
Kicked out when the white Okies
moved out to the California west.
Our short stature no longer needed,
a stature that kept us low to the ground
in fields of artichokes.
Kicked out not only of the jobs we held, and did well,
but of the United States’ holding.

Second Rejection Note

I am actually quite happy with this rejection note. It comes from an agency that made a strong point of "If you don't hear from us take that as a no." She gave great feedback, and I am considering more "commercial" and "quirky" projects. I am not giving up on the story, but just trying to think of more successful future ventures.

Tina,

Thank you so much for sending THE TREE THAT HELD THE SKY for my consideration. Unfortunately, this project isn't a fit for me or the agency. This is a lovely idea and written well, but I think it spends too long on the negatives, the exhaustion, the growing old. In this tough, tough picture book market, editors are looking for fun, quirky and commercial. I'm afraid I'm not taking on any risky picture book projects right now, which is a shame.

As you know, these decisions are highly subjective, and another agent may have an entirely different opinion. After all, it takes just one "yes" to find the right match. Thank you again for thinking of *********, and I wish you the best of luck in finding a good home for your writing.

Thanks!